InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Live, learn, and then get lost"

she spreads herself wide open. (marinunn) wrote,
@ 2009-04-12 12:48:00

Current music:	Nirvana "Polly"
Entry tags:	personal blog entry

12 April
Friday, a Comedian left Los Angeles.

There's just not much to laugh about when the Comedian's out of town. Let's see, what have I done? I've sat on my arse, as usual. Oh! One exciting thing! I drank. Yeah, so exciting. I've started writing a song, but it's pathetic and sounding quite stalkerish. The worst part about it is I don't have anyone to write it for so the fact that I've written something borderline psychopathic is not cool. I'd like to look crazy for a reason. If not, I'll stick to the usual villain throughline and seem as sane as possible. -insert menacing laughter-

My usual lot in life has stayed true to the given course. Swallowing darkness and harvesting souls to complete my web. In other words, wallowing in a dark room and writing on my piano by candlelight. I don't know why. It does something. You try whatever means you can. I wish I could say that my power was shut off, then I wouldn't seem so odd. I do get out, though, from time to time. Until Jake left, I spent some time out at bars and his place gawking over Bettie. Now, well, your only hang-out buddy disappears to start filming and you just hope the tour would start up soon. No, I take that back. The Arachne boys and I went out to see I Love You, Man. It was brilliance. Now whenever one of them calls, we have these moments of "I love you, Bro Montana." And yes, I consider it very sad that I have experienced almost all the "shenanigans" in the film with those two. And I have a vagina. No wonder I can't get a date.

[Private]

I told Thomas about my issue. I don't know what the bleeding Christ I was thinking. I started caring about his fucking heroin issue and somehow, in order for him to believe I honestly gave two shits, I had to share with him my own. I cannot BELIEVE I told him that I "self-harm". Yes, I used to do it before we met and I probably had a few scars that carried over when we were first intimate but shit. I stopped then for a reason. So once he's gone, it starts up again? What does that say to him? Fucking feeds his ego, that's what it says. Makes him think he's the cause of all this. Well, he's not. When he gave up on me, it was just the proof I needed. I got quite the kick out of what that girl said, "...the outside beauty doesn't match the inside." No, but I am working on making it matching set. I'm sure he bloody thought I was cutting. Cutting, please. That's too obvious. If I burn myself, I can pass it off easier. Like I had to do the other day on the video shoot. Costume Lady Gasps! How did you do that to your leg? I laugh sheepishly, Oh, I was cooking and my cat jumped on my shoulder and made me flip hot grease all down my thigh. She doesn't have to know I don't cook. Or own a cat. Since I've told him, that little lighter has been exactly what I needed. I hate that people think it's just a cry for help. It's not. It's actually to feel something. Trent Reznor couldn't have hit that one more on the head with "Hurt". It's liberating. It feels amazing. It feels better than all the thoughts swirling in my head. Why do I have this sinking feeling he'll tell the world about it? Why does it feel like he's laughing at me, too? I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I wish I hadn't even cared. I wish I hadn't even made that fucking secret. I wish I had never met him. I don't care if that means I wouldn't be here. I hope he falls into the abyss he's weaving for himself and never crawls out. I wish I had never loved him and cursed myself to this lifetime of GIVING A FUCK about him. Sometimes, I wish I just had the fucking guts to do what Cobain did. BAM.

[/Private]

I think I should probably get a cat or something. No, too cute. A snake? I can't be stereotypical and get a tarantula. Recommendations?

(Post a new comment)

	khiell 2009-04-12 06:51 pm UTC (link)
	I definitely recommend a snake. I have two, and I love them to pieces. I'd kind of like to get a third, but I promised my brother that if I got another snake, he'd be able to get a dog, so we're in the negotiation phase on breeds. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	marinunn 2009-04-12 07:05 pm UTC (link)
	What kind of snakes do you have? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	khiell 2009-04-12 08:56 pm UTC (link)
	An albino ball python named Falcor and a red tailed boa constrictor named Freddie! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	marinunn 2009-04-12 09:04 pm UTC (link)
	I'm sure it's probably hard to judge but could you say which breed made the better pet? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

khiell
2009-04-12 09:13 pm UTC (link)

Actually, it's pretty easy: the ball python. They usually only get to about five feet long, max, and as long as you get one that was bred/raised captive, they're pretty docile while still providing interest as a snake. They're good starter snakes if you're looking for a larger breed. The problem with boas is that they can get up to ten feet long, weigh over fifty pounds, and sometimes can get a little aggressive during feeding times. A lot of people don't realize how big they'll get or how much clean up is necessary for something that'll live over 30 years, you know?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	marinunn 2009-04-12 09:23 pm UTC (link)
	Holy shit those things are fucking gorgeous. Where's the best place to get one? Thirty years, that'd be my longest lasting relationship ever and to be with a snake that long, that sounds ideal. Better than a man, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

khiell
2009-04-12 09:33 pm UTC (link)

They really are. So, so beautiful. I know of a couple places on the west coast; the problem is that a bunch of them anymore have this disease called inclusion body disease that a lot of them have when they're sold, and it's kind of difficult to find a place that's taking care to keep their pythons and boas healthy and quarantined properly. I can pass on a few addresses of places I've trusted in the past though, if you want! Haha, yeah, it's a very long-lasting relationship, and at least here you're guaranteed, with proper care and feeding, that they won't run off with anyone else.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	marinunn 2009-04-12 09:39 pm UTC (link)
	I'd love it, if you don't mind passing on some trustworthy vendors. Maybe even a herpetologist to make sure the one I pick out isn't ill? Yeah, really and here, to think, I've been saying most of my male exes were snakes. Now I know that's just an insult to the poor, beautiful reptiles. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	khiell 2009-04-12 09:42 pm UTC (link)
	One of my friends, Ginger, is a herpetologist. She's been a lifesaver to me on more than one occasion, especially with Freddie. I'm sure between her and I we'll get a good vendor for you! Haha, I've nearly said the same thing about my female exes but my babies shouldn't be compared to them at all. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	marinunn 2009-04-12 09:46 pm UTC (link)
	You know what's odd? Most of the women I've dated, yeah, a few ended ugly but I didn't compare them like that. Men, I guess, just seem more like the snake stereotype. Women are definitely of the feline persuasion. Hissing for no apparent reason. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	khiell 2009-04-12 09:51 pm UTC (link)
	I must have horrible luck with it, then. The few that I've dated and had it turn bad are very much the crawling-on-their-bellies, cold, and devour their prey whole types rather than catty. I don't have any experience with dating men though, to compare, so that might not help. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	marinunn 2009-04-12 09:56 pm UTC (link)
	Consider yourself lucky, but that description sounds a bit like me. Either way, I've always had better luck with girls but I don't go out with the prissy, designer-wearing, lipstick-hogging cunts. I'm at least still good friends with more of my female exes than the men. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

khiell
2009-04-12 10:14 pm UTC (link)

Yeah, the extra-posh ones and I don't tend to get along well. Part of it's my upbringing and part of it's the fact that I'm happy to grub around in gardens or with my snakes rather than spend 90% of my life shopping. I mean, I tend to dress up a lot and rarely go without make-up but I don't go overboard with it, you know? It's ridiculous. I'm friends with the majority of mine, too, but those few I'm not... oof. They make me content to stay single.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	bradycollins 2009-04-12 09:44 pm UTC (link)
	Scorpions are pretty cool, and they glow under blacklight. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	marinunn 2009-04-12 09:47 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, but I couldn't pick them up and scare unwanted visitors. It'd scare me! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bradycollins 2009-04-12 10:08 pm UTC (link)
	That's true. But maybe you could wire something up so you could flip a switch and change the lighting to blacklight? Maybe the sudden sight of a huge glowing scorpion would be frightening enough. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	marinunn 2009-04-12 10:11 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, that's a good idea. How are you with electricity? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bradycollins 2009-04-12 10:37 pm UTC (link)
	Not my forte, but it shouldn't be too hard to find someone who is. (Reply to this) (Parent)